It is easier said than done....

I have been trying to push past all the low feelings and I am starting to feel a little bit better and less depressed but it is so much easier said than done! It is so crazy to me how a person can go thru the day to day stuff and everything seems so great. But deep inside there is that anxiety and depression ready to surface.

Even after more than 10 years of being clean...I am still learning how to deal with and understand all of it. I guess that is what keeps us moving forward and growing as a person...when you think you have it figured out and WHAM! something throws you off and you are left picking up the pieces. 

Maybe that is another part of it...feelings were not something that were shared so freely as they are now and I was taught to hide them, never let them out, and always put on a happy face.😣 Pushing down years and years of feelings was something that takes time to deal with but I am learning and growing everyday by using my tools and resources to keep myself on the right track.

For me, the asking for help is always the hardest...it does not matter what kind of help I need I always put it off. Asking for help was a sign of weakness to me, I heard it when I was little and I lived thinking that I was supposed to be so strong that I could do it all by myself. Ughhhh, that is really exhausting and usually ends very badly...for me and all those invoved.😞

One of the worst parts of feeling this way is all the negative thoughts that bounce around in my head. I put myself down, tell myself that I am a horrible person, friend, wife, sister, daughter, aunt, and mother....every part of me is bad and how could anyone love or care for me?!😩

My brain has a way of making up things and I fell so bad already that I grasp at straws to make it true; even though it is so far from the truth. I scream out all the time...why is he with me, why do they love me...then it turns into they don't love me, he is only with me because of our son...it gets so bad the thoughts I invent in my head. 

Then the harder part comes...I have to stop and think about the good things, the good times, the real conversations I have had with people and the viable proof that these people really do care about me. I have to push out the fake scenarios that I play over and over in my head and remind myself that I have a very loyal and loving husband and I have friends and family who truly care about how I feel or what is going on in my life.

It may feel like the world is against you but it really is not....your biggest obstacle is your own brain and the stinking thinking that seeps in when you are vulnerable. 

Try to learn and remember the signs of an oncoming anxiety/depression low or high...find your support system and reach out to them. 

Get out of your own head and talk to someone....write out your feelings and share it with someone...but please do not let yourself fall into that hole and stay there.😰

Remember that you are worth it, you can ask for help, you can kick the bad days and it can and will get better if you choose to do something about it. Life is what you make of it...so it is important to get back up when you are feeling knocked down.