I cannot believe it has been 3 years since my last blog post?!😲
I have always used this platform to share my story & to work through my feelings and emotions. It is my free therapy when I cannot see my therapist. Being in recovery & healing from trauma is a lifelong battle, I continually remember feelings or events from my past that bring up emotions.🙍
Being a survivor of sexual assault, emotional, verbal, physical abuse and addiction can be hard when memories or triggers come along. All the hard work you have accomplished can be erased in an instant. You return to the emotionally damaged and scared person that you were before. Hopefully if you have done some healing and/or therapy, you will not stay in that feeling. Most times, I end up having an epiphany or some sort of enlightenment into my past behaviors and choices.
Life has been a bit crazier than usual and changes are happening. I was never someone who likes change, it meant getting out of my comfort zone(even if it was a negative space). And we have had a ton of change since the car accident in 2019.
So, 7 years since chaos erupted in our household and 3 years since I have written in my blog or talked to a therapist. It seems that I am in need of a release, I cry at every story I see that resembles my life path. Although crying is very cleansing and a great release....sometimes you just need to say the words out loud for the pain to be released. (for me anyway)
One of the things I treasure most is loyalty & support from those around me.(if your in my circle I trust you & would support you the same).
When I used to buy everyone's loyalty, I was the one who everyone wanted to be around. It was only because I had the house to party at, or I had/sold all the drugs, I always had money to drink and I just wanted to be loved so badly that I let everyone use me.
Loyalty nowadays looks a lot different on my end and instead of having a ton of "friends", I have a few people in my life that I call family but they are not blood. We have blood family but the bonds are just not there. That was evident at my son's Graduation Party, there were some family that live pretty far away but at least they called to tell him Congrats!🎉
The rest of the "so called family"...well, the one who would have moved mountains to be there, was there in the form of a butterfly!(Thanks Gma💗IYKYK)
Others chose to not drive the 10 minutes for some or the 30 minutes for others and celebrate with this amazing kid! It hurt but I knew it broke my husband😢, he persevered on so our son could have a good time and I have yet to deep dive these feelings with my son. But he said that he had the best time at his party and he loved us so much for it!😍
And yes, my son and I have very meaningful and helpful conversations about feelings...I have always told him that it is important to express yourself with others and not bury or minimize how you are feeling. He actually just expressed to me how he enjoys are bonding moments when we talk about things.💑 That is one generational curse I was determined to break!👍
My heart hurt for both of them, people you have called family your whole life didn't show up(in any form)for an important milestone in your life.😔But that is not an emotion we want to stay in because they do not define who we are. How we react to situations is what defines us.💯
So we did not speak about Bruno(the elephant in the room)....LOL😂, can you tell I work with children?! Instead we celebrated, we laughed, we ate good food, we played games and we did it with those non blood family members.💞 People who have been there for our son since day one & one special person who opened up her family to us and all of them have become our family over the last 18 years!
We thank you for opening your hearts to us on this journey of parenthood.
We are forever grateful for being our family when we had none.
We thank you for being supportive of our tiny family and accepting us into yours!
