Where is this road going?!

*How funny this title is from a blog I started a year ago. 

I have been off the grid for so long now....I have been so scattered-brained and just off. So much, that I have not even felt like myself at all.😢 I have always used writing as a release for when my brain gets backed up and I lose focus. 

In the past when I would get overwhelmed it would contribute to my lack of finishing anything and just checking out. In the hopes that all of what I was dealing with...would just go away.

This is where the drugs and alcohol helped in the forgetting part. But....it never went away...it just sat in limbo waiting for me to come back to reality. I no longer use alcohol or drugs to numb myself but I sure can check out of life by isolating myself.

October 15th 2019 started the time of change...change has never been a high point in my life....but I have learned to live with it and accept it...even if it is an unexpected change.

I am finally starting to clear some of the cobwebs that have built up in my head....although not even close to figuring it all out but who really is. I write to help me put my thoughts in order instead of burying them or ignoring them. 

I like to share those thoughts in hopes that someone who is going thru the same issues gets a glimmer of hope that things will be alright and they are not going thru it alone. Someone understands and someone gets it...but lately, I haven't felt like I have anything helpful to say. 

A black cloud has been hovering over us and it is time to turn the fan on and clear the air. I do have some things to say and some of them won't be easy...some will be painful but everything will be okay....I will be okay.