What do we do next?

There are so many words up in my brain right now but they just do not know how to come out. So many feelings and so many emotions running around like a screaming child inside my head. I want to yell...I want to scream....I want to hit things...but the one thing I do not want to do is escape.

Back a long time ago....I would not of even begun the process of what do we do next...I would be starting a long bender of forgetting what is going on in the real world and burying my emotions deep down inside of me.

Today is different...today I get to feel all the feelings...today I get to face the uncertain times ahead and I am okay with that. Now do not get me wrong, I am still not a big fan of feeling and all that junk. But in order to survive what lies ahead, we need to feel and work thru all the yuckiness that lies ahead.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I can be a bit of a hot head....add mounting emotions from a situation that is not ideal for any of the parties involved and we have a recipe for destruction. 

I let my emotion and my desire to protect my hurting husband get the better of me yesterday.😢

I let a conversation escalate to anger as did my husband and we regret what happened.😞

But you know what? Minutes later I immediately sent a text apologizing for my anger and my husband called the other party back to also say he is sorry but emotions are getting the better of us and we must work together to get thru what is to come next!

I could not even fathom how far my husband and I have come in our journey together...there would have been a time when we would have tried to justify our actions all while getting loaded to forget what was going on around us. It is so easy to just throw a blind eye to what is going on around you but let me tell you that it will still be there waiting for you...no matter how much time passes.

So now what? Now that I am here and present to everything that is going on....what next? Well, there has been a lot of crying...some anger....disbelief...hate...how many emotions is that so far?! There are many more to come but I think we are ready for whatever is to come next.😬

Well maybe not ready ready but we are embracing the next steps as best as we can. Thankfully we have an amazing support system surrounding us that we can reach out to for anything we need. One thing I would like to reach out to everyone about is the hardest part of this situation: How do I tell my little boy that his grandma is sick again? How do I tell him that this time is different? How do I tell him that Cancer is an ugly, mean, destroying disease that takes people away from you when you are not ready for it to?😭💔😠

So now I will try to continue on with my day....trying to make it as normal for my son as I can...trying to fathom what is about to come next....trying not to break down in front of my son...trying to navigate my husband's many mood swings. Exactly how do I navigate this every day....with lots of coffee, lots of reaching out to my support system, maybe even attending a meeting or two but mainly staying faithful in prayer. My higher power is my rock...my foundation for the strength I have to handle whatever comes my way...my refuge for when I feel weak!🙏

Find what gives you the strength to keep pushing forward....find a support system that helps you get thru the tough times...gives you a shoulder to cry on or a good belly laugh when needed. 

Philippians 4:13 (KJV) - I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.