See before, deep in my addiction....I used that as a reason to use; I would always play the poor me card, it is all gonna fall apart anyway so why not get high and forget it all. Till it had been ignored for so long that it cannot be ignored anymore and it would all come crashing down like a ton of bricks.
Back then I was scared to face the problem....scared to do what was needed to do or say what was needed to say. I would bury everything deep deep down inside of me and ignore it for as long as I could. Stay as high or drunk as I could get so that I did not have to think about whatever was happening in my life.
Then I got clean and realized that it wasn't just my bad luck or that I was destined to live a crappy life because I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I realized that everyone has bad times and how we deal with it is what is important.
If you always lie down and let it defeat you then your life will feel like any endless string of bad luck. But if you keep having faith that things can/will get better and you get back up every time you get knocked down....life becomes what you make of it.
For me, finding my voice, my faith and my strength to be an adult and make grown up decisions was a big turning point for me. Taking responsibility, asking for help, creating a plan of action gave me the drive to never give up trying...that got me thru whatever life threw at me.
With continual practice I got to the point where it was not scary to face whatever monkey wrench life throws into the mix. So now when that moment comes where life comes crashing down around me...I do not run and hide(most of the time). Lets be honest with one another....life is scary and we all tend to bury our heads in the sand when it comes to something that is really scary. As long as you pick yourself up out of the sand before it becomes to overwhelming, you have a fighting chance to get through whatever it is that life has thrown at you.
So here we are(my husband and I), at one of these moments where it is coming crashing down around us....did we throw a blind eye at the situation for a time...maybe?! But when it comes to a family members health, most people tend to not look at the negative aspect and try to focus on the good parts.
Now we are looking at all the pieces that have come crashing down around us....where do we go from here....what do we do next....will they be mad that we have taken the reigns from them?! Hopefully they will understand that what we do is out of love for them and their well being....what we do is out of genuine concern for their health and that we want them to be around for as long as possible.
All we can do know is keep trying to make the best decisions for everyone involved, stay on top of the situation at hand, work together with family/friends so that they are taken care of and pray. Pray for the guidance to do what is needed....Pray for some healing in their body, mind, heart and soul...Pray that everyone involved gets a sense of peace and understanding of the situation....Pray that what needs to be done gets done.
Although not everyone out there feels the same as I do about God....I know in my heart that faith in my God and prayer will get me thru whatever is to come next in this journey called life.
Psalm 18:30 (NIV) - "As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord's word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him."
Psalm 18:30 (KJV) - "As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the Lord is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him."
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