I have not felt lost in awhile....the kind of lost that keeps your heart racing, stomach flopping, and outbursts of tears. I by no means want to or do feel sorry for myself. But I do have to express myself or I think I would go mad...lol!! The one thing that I have learned on this journey so far...is that I cannot hold things in.
I have had so many emotions racing through me that I have been losing myself in them. I have lost my drive to do things, I have lost my drive to workout, I have made poor eating choices, and I have just been avoiding feeling the feelings. I am no good to myself or those around me if I am playing the avoidance game.
So many things flooding my brain that I cannot seem to sort them out and they just keep piling up higher and higher. I wanna scream out at the top of my lungs, "Life is not a bowl of cherries and it can be really unfair!" But I keep on pushing forward and trying to find ways to bring myself back to the grounded person that I have become.
Oh man, back in the day I could not even imagine myself and how I would have handled the last 6 months. People tend to believe that they are not strong enough to handle the things life throws at them. I was one of those people...told all my life that life is not fair so why try to do anything to get ahead. I was told that we are not the "lucky" ones who get the breaks or that we were not born with a silver spoon in our mouth so we would never get the good life.
I have been sad, scared, worried, upset, hurt, and so stressed these last 6 months that I have been going into a downward spiral that I must pull myself out of. Life is hard...it can be painful...it can seem like you are never going to get ahead but you must always remember to not ever let the negative thoughts and words win...keep believing that you can and will get through whatever this crazy thing called life throws at you!
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