Life is......

In my life I have been through so many things....at the time of each lesson I thought for sure I was not going to make it through. But I did and here I am trying to make the best of the life I have. I go through each day with the courage and confidence that I can handle anything that life throws at me...well at least until this week happened.

I am trying to stay positive and not let the unknown scare me or keep me in a funk but this time it is a lot harder than I had expected. It is not like I have not been around others who have had to deal with what we may be facing. But for some reason it feels as though I cannot face the future and what it holds. I may be getting upset for no reason at all but if this is how I am handling before we even know for sure....what is going to happen if the results come back with bad news?!

I have not worked out in almost a week, I have very little appetite, I feel like doing nothing but sitting around and crying. These are not options for me....for us! I have a little man who needs me and I have the most wonderful man in the world who needs me to be the positive light that I usually am for his well being. But I wasn't ready for this and I wasn't ready for it to be him and not me! I was expecting it to be me....I wanted it to be me! That isn't a good way to think about it but it seemed the most fair option...I felt in my brain that my boys could survive and thrive if anything happened to me much easier than if it was one of them.

Even though I feel like life is unfair...life never wants to give us a break....life has a sick sense of humor...or life is just never easy! I have to keep pushing...I have to stay positive....I have to keep living life no matter what it has placed in front of us to overcome! I cannot let this dismal thinking keep me down, I have to get back to my normal routine and I have to keep thinking that everything will work out the way it needs to....and I will survive it....no matter if it is a positive or negative outcome.

Another day in the life of being a human being who has to face the world and what it brings....I will keep swimming and I will keep the positive thoughts that this too shall pass....eventually.