Reflecting.....

I can remember when this night meant finding the hardest of parties there was and owning it. I always chuckle a bit when I think of these things from the past....not because I miss it; because I learned from it. Some would say that they did not enjoy those times....but I did. I felt strong and brave because people were talking about me...who cares why; I loved it because I was finally somebody that people knew. Sadly it was for being the party girl but I always found a way to make it sound like a positive; at least in my head it did.

It is amazing how much life can change in two decades....life passes quickly so enjoy every moment to the fullest. When you think of two decades it seems long....but so what, I have two more decades ahead of me. So much has happened in what feels like the blink of an eye and I think often about the past. Whatever is behind you should not hold you back from achieving what you desire. Holding on to pain, sadness, and anger led me down a path that turned into my anchor...holding me back from moving on but most of all forgiveness.

I cannot tell you when or where the enlightenment happens but I can tell you that if you desire it honestly in your heart....it will come. Sometimes it takes a few falls, a few starting overs....but if you keep on trying, you will achieve great things. My great things have been happiness, true love, a loving family, true friendships, self-respect, desire for good things and good people in my life. Honestly, I did not have one life changing moment but many little moments and hope to continue having more of these moments.

Everyday, every week, or maybe every month I continue to have an aha moment....with an open heart and mind I will continue to have them. Every day is a chance to learn, feel, enjoy the world around you....life is a gift so live it the best way you can; giving and receiving happiness and kindness to everyone you meet. Pushing out the negative and letting in the positive....I remember laughing at others who could be so positive. Then one day I thought to myself, 'it is something you have never tried before'; so I changed my attitude and things in my life. Bam! Positive, another positive, thoughtfulness, caring, joy, positive, and more positive; it was happening and I loved it!

Had you told me 24 years ago that I would be where I am today and experienced all the things I have been through in the last quarter of a century....I would have laughed in your face and told you that you were crazy!! But here I sit, writing in this blog, still alive, still kicking, and ready to keep on kicking some A$$!! All things are possible with effort and work....nothing is easy and if it was then it would not be an experience!! Life is a journey and an education; learning how to love and be loved unconditionally!

I have never felt happier than how I feel tonight on December 31, 2014....I have felt amazing this last week and try to spread the cheer when I get these moments. I lived in a very dark place for a very long time...I have had many dark and terrible things happen to me and to those I love...it may sound cliche but I never believed in a 'happy ending'. :(  Yet here I am to discount any doubt the old me had....I never lie about my journey and I will tell you it was tough, it was difficult, and I felt like quitting more times than I can remember! But I never gave up, I found my higher power that I look to for guidance, I found an amazing support group, and an amazing man to love me and my past! Hope has become my right hand man, courage my left, and perseverance has led them both to what I think is a pretty great life!!

Happy New Year my friends, my family near, far, close or not close, to those I have never met, and to those I look forward to meeting.....goodbye 2014 and hello to 2015!!!