Self-doubt.....

Self-doubt is most definitely my Achilles heel and what motivated me to stay in some bad situations. In my brain I could think of a thousand reasons why I would not succeed in whatever it was that I tried do. Self-doubt was my biggest motivator to self-sabotage any situation that arose in front of me. I could tell you it was this person, that person, or the things that happened to me growing up but those things only contributed. I made decisions and choose actions that in a way I always knew were bad but turned a blind eye to it. Without the confidence in myself to achieve my goals I was never going to move forward in my life.

There are days when I let that kind of thinking sneak into my brain, usually when it comes to important decisions that I am faced with. Recently I have had some issues that will affect my whole family in both positive and negative ways. Deciding to step away from those that my heart still holds love for so my mind can let go of the pain. These decisions are important to keeping me moving forward and staying in a positive mind set for my sobriety and success.

But an amazing thing has happened since deciding to let go and stop chasing something that ends up leaving me filled with hurt, anger, and disappointment....my mind has cleared and I have started to work harder on the things that are most important to me. I feel less weighted down, I feel a freedom from the anchor of negativity that had a hold of a little part of me; blocking my view of  the bigger picture.

I can with confidence say that I am going to be stepping into a new and brighter world for myself and my wonderful little family. I am feeling positive about school and my health, I am going to succeed at this next chapter in my life....and if I don't, well no worries here. I can learn from my mistakes and try again or try something new but I will not let self-doubt or negativity creep in anymore.