I have been struggling with some hurt & misunderstanding I hold towards my friends...see awhile back some bad stuff went down one night when we went out to the bar for my friends birthday.
Needless to say I felt like my friends just threw me under the bus then dropped me in a 9ft pool with my hands tied and no life preserver. I had a black out and did not know what had happened but everyone else seemed to know but when it came down to talking about the night no one could tell me what happened anymore?!?! Are you kidding me?!
You wanted to point fingers, make people feel like crap and blast the news across the airwaves the day after it happened...now you tell me that you can't remember....BS!! Then to top it off you choose to hang out with the other party that was involved like nothing happened but when my BF & I decide that we want to hang out this weekend...you guys dance around the subject, ignore our offer to hang out at our house and quietly make plans to all meet up over there...Well F U guys!
Why am I the bad guy? Anyone who knows me or is truly my friend would know that I would have never done something like that knowingly or on purpose...I sure the hell would not choose to cheat with a close friend so I can be found out if that is what I truly wanted to do that night. I was in an unconscious state of mind not knowing what I was doing. It is not an excuse...I completely own my part of the situation even though I don't remember anything at all but if you know me then you know that I would never knowingly jeopardize losing my family or the love of my life.
By no means do I want to make anyone uncomfortable so we stay away from most social gatherings but every once in awhile we would like to hang out with our "friends". So if that is going to be a big issue to come hang out with us for a few hours than go over the "other persons" house...well I guess we have to just accept the fact that we no longer have social friends or a social life...):
Never underestimate how a few hours can just obliterate your world as you know it...nothing ever goes back to the way it was after a traumatic event but a little more acceptance was what I was hoping for from my friends. So such is life and I will forgive, forget and move on...I think I just needed to express my hurt and anger more than I did in the beginning of this mess. Holding that stuff in can cause a stinky, festering pool of hate goo that never leads to anything good.
Sorry to my friends for the harsh words but I was not feeling supported but ousted...was feeling the cold shoulder instead of a warm heart...was feeling like all the blame was being put on me and none on the other party involved...kinda like he got a "get out of jail free" card and I was persecuted...hmmm, better now. I know things will never be the same but I never thought they would change so drastically....):
Teresa B
I have fallen down so hard I thought I would never be able to get back up again. I have lost everything that meant the world to me and felt like dying. I thought I would never feel whole again or be able to live life with a little joy in it. God never gave up on me thankfully....even though I cursed him many times. Recovery, happiness, joy, family etc....all these are possible with work, forgiveness, acceptance and faith.
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