I know that I am feeling very sad because what was once my very close and what seemed unbreakable family....is no longer like that. There are many reasons that we all have decided to take the roads we have but when someone tries to reach out as a last attempt to try and break the walls down and there is no response. :( Well....a person has to decide if it is a good idea to keep trying?!
But then that brings in another piece of the funk....DEATH! There is death happening all the time but it always seems to come in waves; overwhelming the mind, body, heart, and soul! Death is probably my least favorite of emotions that I must deal with being a responsible adult now. I try to not use this word but its synonym 'dislike'.....but I really effin' HATE death! It really brings me back to that thought of "Yes, I must keep trying to heal this family because what happens if one of them gets really sick?" None of us should have to leave this world thinking that someone who was once close to us hated us in the end or did not love them! Can you not see how important it is to leave the past in the past, forgive and forget so that we can be a family again!?
These emotions on top of all the regular everyday struggles with money, work, school, and giving my son the best possible life I can \(*o*)/ tends to put me down in a funk that destroys everything if I let it!! It is effecting my school work, it is effecting my future as a personal coach, it is effecting me being a good mom and wife! And it is causing me to just feel useless, worthless, and very lethargic....it feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel and why do I keep trying!?
I will tell you why I keep trying....because I am not the sad lost little girl I once was...not anymore! Proof is in the fact that no matter how bad I feel every morning when I wake up, I still pull myself up out of bed. I make sure my son is bathed and fed, I make sure my husband is taken care of, and I make sure to do something for myself so I can pull out of this funk. Although, I may be behind on laundry or my school work...I do something or one thing every day to bring my self back to center. Even though I got off track a bit...I do not put off my workouts, I do not binge eat,drink, drug and I do not give up! Nope....I write a blog or talk to someone and then maybe cry a little or a lot....watch a tear jerker movie and spend time with the things that matter the most...
Remember to reach out when it feels overwhelming....call on someone for a shoulder or an ear....never look to something else to fill that hole....listen to music....dance a silly dance....lift weights....do an intense workout....take a walk....just stop for a second an look where you came from and how far you have already come....look at what you have already lived through and think about all the places and things you have yet to see and do!!! You can do it...you can achieve it...you can accomplish what you put you mind to; as long as you never give up and you keep trying!!
