Challenges, Choices, and Changes

Challenges, Choices, and Changes....
These three words used to scare me so bad back in the day.

For a long time I thought I had a pretty normal life with a normal family and no worries about what was to come next. Life seemed so perfect! I do not know if I led a sheltered life or if the people around me just kept the truth hidden really well. Okay, they did a good amount of hiding things but for the most part....life was really good until we moved. Or so I thought, once I started letting my memories come back from my childhood; I realized that I was not leading such an amazing life.

Until I was 12 my life could be considered a Beaver Cleaver life....from the outside looking in and in my naive mind anyway. My life was not picture perfect and when we moved and my sister came along....well, it just seemed as though my whole life fell apart.

Change came first when we left my whole family back in Nebraska and moved far away. Then my only child life was disrupted with a little sister that took up every one's time.

Challenges came next, how do I get my old life back? How do I get my family to pay attention to me again?

Choices were in front me and I have to say that I did not choose wisely.

Once the backlash started coming from all the bad choices I was making and I was not given any good guidance on how to handle my challenges but to bury what was bothering me....I pretty much ran away from any challenge, change, or choice. :( My role models basically taught me to avoid change no matter how bad the situation made me feel; I could just numb myself with whatever worked for me. So by avoiding change I could avoid challenges and not have to make any choices.

I got really good at making it seem as though my friends made all the choices and I was just an innocent bystander. Every time I would get in trouble I would play the "I didn't know any better" card and because my parents ran away from challenges they would just buy it and "ground" me for a little while. Looking back I really had no discipline and once both my parents went back to work; I really had no supervision.

It took me almost 35 years to be able to face these three words; Challenges, Choices, and Changes. Although it is still scary and I still on occasion tend to hide from them; I definitely have more confidence and courage when facing these issues. Even though I am about to be 44 years old, I am still a work in progress; but I have an amazing support system of friends and family that help me get through it all.

When faced with change, challenge, or a choice...try to fight the urge to run away, ask for help, confide in your support system, and remember that you are not alone in this world! At times it may feel like you are an island to yourself; but there is always an anchor connected to a life boat floating around you, ready to help you get grounded an move forward.

Keep smiling, keep moving forward, keep trying, and do not ever give up on yourself!