Struggling.....

Struggling is a word that I use often...I have struggled all my life and at one point in my life I thought it was the worst thing that could happen to me. I struggled to finish school, I struggled to live with my parents, I struggled with my identity, and I struggled with addiction.

In recovery you learn that you will be struggling for the rest of your life. Well, I could just not accept that fact and I started chasing the 'fix all' that would lead me into this fabulous life of not having to struggle. In my quest for the 'fix all cure'; I found that I will always, I have always, and will probably always never not struggle. But I have learned that without struggle there can be no acceptance, no understanding, no growth, and no future.

When I was deep into my addiction, all I wanted to do was be high so I could forget the struggles I had seen; forget the struggles that were going to be ahead of me. But of course that was never going to be possible because eventually you have to come down from the high and take responsibility for your actions.

Do I struggle with addiction still? Well on some days I feel that I am struggling with the idea of escaping from the problems but I chose not too. Why can I make that choice today; because I have been down the road of choosing to escape reality. That was a dark and unpleasant road, much more unappealing than the struggle of whether I should pay the electric bill first or the car insurance.

Struggling is still a big part of my life some days but I find a way to work through the problems, ask for help if needed, and rely on the people that have become my wonderful support system for those times that can get tough. Stay strong in the fight and do not ever give up; the end of the rainbow is there, it just has no pot of gold but a much better reward. There is light, a better life, the real you, and a happy ending that you can write for yourself.