Christmas is almost here....

Christmas is almost here and I can't believe how much has happened since last year. I have lost so many things this year and gained new but I am still moving on and up! Until further notice my main blog page is under construction until I can work out the details with the domain name, so I will be posting here from now on.

I can't describe how painful it was to post my last blog post about my family. In a nut shell I have distanced myself from that part of my life because of feelings that I can not shake about them. There is no effort put forth to keep a connection and I can not be the only one trying anymore. Needless to say one of my family members has de-friended me on Facebook, sad but I understand their pain and I am not angry, I still love them.

There were things that I needed to express in order to keep my sanity and sometimes the truth hurts but in order to heal I must speak my mind. I hope one day they will not think that I believe I am better than them because I got clean. I am not better than anyone, I am only better than I used to be. I was broken, battered and lost....I found my way out of the dark, maybe I became a different person. Let me say that differently....I changed things about myself that were not cohesive to their lifestyle, it may work for them but not for me.

Today is my oldest daughter's birthday and her Facebook page has disappeared so I am not sure how to reach her....I hope that she is doing well and gets in contact with me so I know she is okay. I can't believe she is 22 today....I have missed their entire life because of the choices I made when they were with me.

Now all I can do is grasp bits and pieces of their life that I find by luck. Most days I am okay with it but around birthdays and holidays it gets really tough. I will always love my kids and wish them happiness and a bit of peace from the past and the pain that myself and their dad allowed to happen.

I have overcome the worst of situations and created some for others, I have not been beaten even though my world was stripped from me. Everything happens for a reason, I believe with all my heart that is true....your life would not be what it is today without your past....you can either let it consume you or you can let it go and learn from it. 

Merry Christmas to all and Happy New Year....Bring on 2013!!   
Love to all,
Teresa B